


Don't go, even when I'm chasing after you

by yamajiroo



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Established Relationship, Feelings, Fluff, Getting Back Together, Happy Ending, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 08:00:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21820072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yamajiroo/pseuds/yamajiroo
Summary: “You think it's easy to erase this feelings? Are you making fun of what I've been feeling for years?”Sequel of i only dream about us (without us)
Relationships: Nakajima Yuto/Yamada Ryosuke
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	Don't go, even when I'm chasing after you

**Author's Note:**

> One more fic before finals.
> 
> I CANNOT STOP MYSELF. SORRY. 
> 
> I HOPE YOU LIKE IT. pls excuse grammar errors
> 
> Play back number - Christmas Song while you're at it!

Winter has never been this cold. Even with the thick coat, nothing feels warm anymore. The town is decorated with various Christmas decoration, everything is so pretty once the dark took over the blue sky. Sparkling lights, people passing by sharing a laugh together. 

How long has it been?

Since he left him. 

It feels like... forever. 

It's only been a few months without him. A few months without those warm smile, gentle eyes, and tender touch. He thought he'd find a way somehow, but everything just falls apart. He never thought just how important his existence was, he thought he would be fine... 

But _he_ was right. 

Every single day he'd spent thinking of how much he wants to see him, even if it would be too much to meet him, he prayed at least he would find him somewhere, among the crowds. Only to see him, he had to make sure that he's okay, that he's still here. Somewhere deep within his heart, hurtsーsomething he was sure he would never expect to feel, since he never put his heart to anything ever again after he ran away from home. But it's hurting. It's hurting him more than he could imagine. Nobody said it would be this hard to feel these kind of feelings. 

And, nobody said it would be this painful to finally see someone you've longed for. 

Everything just hurts. 

“You're... here.” 

He could see it clearly. The hesitation evident upon his mien, the sparkles in his eyes dim, with a hint of sadness behind those glasses. There's a smile, but it was nothing like the smile he used to show him. 

“Yeah, I was just... passing by.” 

The sound of his voice, the most beautiful among everything he's heard. 

Then silence dominates the air, somehow it fits the current ambience. The words got stuck in his throat, even though there's many things he wants to say. He's surrounding his surroundings, the only thing his optics could see is the figure presented before him.

“I.. I'll just go back, it's nice to see you, Yuto-kun.” 

And he smiles, rather bitterly, and the next thing he saw was his back. The sound of his boots against the concrete floor, resonated, as if urging him to move. 

As much as it hurts to hear the way he called him, Yuto takes a large step forward, his cold hand reaching for Ryosuke's bare hand. 

Again, the words stuck in his throat. 

But Ryosuke stopped. He turns his head back, and would it be foolish to say that Yuto saw something in those eyes? As if manifests something keen to... hope. 

“Yuto-kun?”

The warmth that he had long to feel... 

“... Hot chocolate?” 

_Won't you stay?_ is what he wanted to say. But he couldn't. _Please come back to me._

Those beautiful brown orbs widened, Ryosuke looks so pure with his cheeks and the tip of his nose getting slightly reddish from the cold, he's not wearing a scarf, not saying anything. It makes Yuto even more nervous. Since when did he got scared of being rejected by Ryosuke?

“I don't want to bother you,” he hears him saying, his voice quiet. 

“You're not a bother.” 

_Please_ is what Ryosuke hear. 

“...Okay.” 

* * *

“So... um, how have you been?” Ryosuke asks, trying to keep his voice normal, sitting rather awkwardly on the same sofa that they both used to cuddle on back in the days. 

“Could be better,” he answers, placing the cup of hot chocolate on the table, and take a seat next to him afterwards. “And... you?” 

Ryosuke lets out a small 'Oh', holding the cup within both palm to warm himself. Yuto noticed, but refused to do anything. It's not like he doesn't want to, but he knows he shouldn't. 

“I'm... okay.” Came the shorter's answer, accompanied by a small smile decorating his face. 

“I've stopped going to that place.” Yuto had mustered his courage only to let those words out. “And, yeah. I’m in a good term with my family, too. My parents missed me and they wanted me to live here for a while.”

That must've been a surprise for Ryosuke, cause he looks genuinely perplexed, but he does look a little more happy. 

“That's good for you, Yuto-kun.” 

“I was so stupid.” Yuto chuckles, fighting the urge to bring Ryosuke into his arms because all he needed to was to hug him. All he wanted, and needed... is Ryosuke's existence in his life. “Doing those things...”

They both fell into silence, again. Ryosuke could only take a sip of the hot chocolate quietly, probably waiting for Yuto to talk more because he's not sure what to say. 

“Yet you're always so patient dealing with me.”

“Yu-”

“I'm sorry.” Yuto cuts him off quickly. “I know it wouldn't be enough with just an apology, but I... I just wanted you to know that I really am sorry, I was so stupid for not realizing thatー”

“It's okay, really.”

“ーI need you.” 

By the time Yuto's eyes locked upon Ryosuke's, his hand had already took the cup from his hold and placed it back on the table, so he could hold his hands in his; feeling the warmth radiates through his entire body.

“I need you. I thought about you, about us... How much I wanted to see you, to have you by my side.” Ryosuke could see the determination, the honesty in his eyes. Yuto is serious, he could feel it. “I miss you. I want to see you, but it hurts because I couldn't. I didn't know where you were, and the thought of you hating me...” 

“I didn'tー I never hated you.” Ryosuke interrupts, not wanting Yuto to have the wrong ideas about what he feels towards him. “Never... My feelingsー”

Yuto always hated it to see him making that face. Ryosuke looks like he's about to cry. 

“I never hated you... I could never...”

* * *

It's true that you wouldn't know how much a person is important to you, or how much you need them in your life until you lose them. 

Yuto lost him. 

And he's been trying so hard to change. Rearrange his life, to be actually better, because that's what Ryosuke wanted. It was foolish of him to think that his best friend, his love, was after his body only. But he was a mess back then, he barely think of anything related to feelings when he himself was hurt, because he was just trying to find a way to keep himself on the line. To keep himself from _feeling_. 

Obviously, Yuto took the wrong turn. It was when he left that Yuto realized, Ryosuke's existence in his life itself could be his remedy. He could have turned to Ryosuke, and he'd bet everything would be much better. He wouldn't suffer this much, and most importantly, he could have avoided hurting the most important person to him. 

The impact of Ryosuke’s disappearance from his life was that big. After a few weeks, Yuto had come back to Nakajima Household and apologized to his family. He started to rearrange his life, and it still lacks Ryosuke but he was getting much better. 

He averted his gaze, looking at the people passing by, the man dressing up as a Santa, and recently, even some couples are there to show some public display of affection, taking cute photos together and whatnot, that's what couples do nowadays, huh? Is it that easy to do so? 

_I wish I could do that with him too._

“Are you not going to buy something?” 

_Don't be greedy, Yuto. You should be grateful that he's still accepting you as a friend._

Yuto turns his head, greeted by Ryosuke's tilted head and that adorable wondering look on his face, holding a Christmas tree's decoration. 

“I... My mom and Raiya do the decorating.” 

“Ahー” Ryosuke blinks upon realizing, “Is that so... I thought youーNever mind.” 

“But... Maybe I should buy a present for my brother...” 

Yuto scratches his cheek, contemplating. There were many things to choose, yet he doesn't even have the slightest idea of what to give his dear brother. 

“Ah, Raiya texted me a few days ago, too. He said he wanted to exchange present with me.” Ryosuke hummed softly, a wide smile decorated his face, “Should we look for one together? Since I haven't bought one for him.” 

Everything just feels easier with him. Ryosuke helped him choose the right present for Raiya, because it seems like he knows what Raiya's been into, better than him as his own brother. Yuto's been busy with his job as a freelance photographer, and since he's been practicing his English more, he also do more English-speaking related job, for a part time. 

Which reminds him, that he just got paid from the part time job he had this week. 

“Ne, Yuto, should we exchange present, too?” 

Yuto is stunned, and Ryosuke stutters, “I mean, we never done this before and Iー”

But then Yuto chuckled, cutting him off with a smile on his lips, “I was just about to ask you the same thing.” 

“Really?” There's a red tint colouring his cheeks, Ryosuke looks so adorable Yuto just wants to squish him. “Then...”

“Yeah, let's do that.” Yuto nods in affirmation, feeling a warm fuzzy feelings blooms in his chest upon seeing the smile on Ryosuke's face. 

_A present_.

_I wonder what is it that I can give you._

_I wonder what's the thing that only I can give it to you._

* * *

It was nice to spend time with Raiya and Ryosuke on Christmas. It was supposed to be a sibling day, but Raiya purposely invited Ryosuke (“ _I consider him as my own brother, too, so he should come along_ ,” Yuto only shook his head at the thought of his brother scheming something related to him and Ryosuke). 

But it seems like whatever he's been scheming was forgotten once Raiya opened his present and got a little excited over the new game that Ryosuke bought for him. 

The three ended up playing until late at night, and Ryosuke had to stay the night in Nakajima Household. 

“I still can't believe you gave me a ring. What makes you think that a ring would suit me?” Ryosuke examines the ring that Yuto gave him, he's sitting comfortably on the chair in Yuto's room balcony. 

“Well... I put a lot of thoughts into buying that one for you.” Yuto answers rather casually, placing the films that Ryosuke gave him back into the box. “I thought it would look good on you.” 

Ryosuke tilts his head, Yuto got all his focus now. 

“When I thought of what kind of present that only I can give to you... Honestly, I couldn't think of much. I don't have much, but, I do know that despite everything I will give you, I know you'll accept it. That's just how you are, Ryosuke.” 

Turning around to face the shorter sitting next to him, it was the same face that Yuto shows a few days ago. Determined, serious. It's different from the Yuto a few months ago, but it is the same one from back when they were still in college, and even before that. 

“I don't want to make it sounds like I'm making excuses, so I'll make it short.” 

Ryosuke feels his heartbeat getting faster. 

The thought of where this talk might go were already there in the back of his mind, which he tried to push away. 

Because he didn't want to put so much hope for nothing. 

“I love you.”

The three words he had given up to hear from him. 

Just comes out of nowhere. 

“I don't know since when I've been in love with you, but I do know it was a long time ago.” Yuto says softly, he looks nervous and somewhat relieved at the same time. “I'm sorry for everything I've done to you, and thank you for always accepting me in your life.” 

Ryosuke couldn't even get a word out of his mouth. 

“Ryosuke...” Yuto smiles, fingers brushing his cheek gently, “I love you. I'll say it over and over again, but I understand if you don't feel the same now. That's why, I just wanted you to know that I love you.” 

Yuto knows he shouldn't be greedy. He's not expecting for an answer, as long as his feelings conveyed, then it's enough. He had hurt him enough. 

“Today was fun. Thank you for being here, Ryosuke.” He pulls his arm back, getting up from his seat, and Ryosuke feels the cold hits him in that instant. The warmth gone. “It's getting late. We should sleep.”

The taller went back inside with the present box, placing it on his table, and was about to turn around and go, until he felt a pair of arms wrapped around his torso. 

“Ryosuke?” 

He could feel the shorter's cheek nuzzled against his shoulder. 

“Do you know how long I've waited... to hear that from you?” Ryosuke says almost in a whisper. “Feels like forever...” 

When Yuto looks down, all he could see is the ring on Ryosuke's finger. 

“You're so stupid, Nakajima Yuto.” 

“I knowー”

“You're so stupid for thinking that my feelings have changed. You think it's easy to erase this feelings? Are you making fun of what I've been feeling for years?” 

“Ryoー”

“Don't just walk away as if my feelings are non-existent.” Ryosuke huffs, and Yuto could already guess that he's pouting. “Stupid... Don't go...”

And that's when Yuto detached Ryosuke's arms from him and turns around, only to be greeted by Ryosuke's teary eyes; he's really holding back not to cry. So Yuto brought him into his embrace, which Ryosuke welcomes immediately, his face buried on the crook of the taller's neck, Yuto nuzzles the top of his head and gave him a pat. 

“I'm sorry. I shouldn't have doubted your feelings. Please don't cry.”

“I'm not crying!” 

“I won't go anywhere. I won't run away from you, not again. You can hold on to my words, Ryosuke.” 

“Un,” He nods, “Say it again, Yuto...”

“I love you.” 

“Again...”

“I love you. I love you so much it hurts.”

“I love you too...” 

* * *

“Nii-san?”

When Raiya opened the door to his brother's room, he had to hold his breath in attempt to be quiet. He wanted to cheer right in that moment but, he'd save it for later. 

Under the blanket, Yuto is in deep slumber with his arm wrapped around someone. Smaller build, pressed against the taller's body. Ryosuke seems to be in a deep slumber too, comfortable in Yuto's arms surrounded by his warmth. 

This would explain the noises that woke him up last night. 

Well, it seems like his plan did worked after all.

**Author's Note:**

> A happy ending for our precious couple. Feedback would be very much appreciated!


End file.
